Today
is the day that I will tell all.
I will not hide anything. The
world will finally know what happened on that bleak
Friday morning when I walked into the Business School
Building for my one and only first round interview.
I am sure you have read part
of this story in the tabloids. You know… the
color of my briefs and the name of the WB character
on them, the girls I dated and the guys… You have
heard the whispers in the corridors and the gossip
columns. But there was only one witness to what went
on in Room 2xx. (Number changed to protect the
anonymity of the parties involved in the incident)
Well, I am all set to spill
the beans.
It all started with that article
in Reader’s Digest. A wholesome magazine for
all Business School Students. If you are not
a regular reader you should subscribe today.
It’s a must for success in school and beyond. It’s
also a great read on sky deck when the lecture takes
that subtle turn from being mundane to truly boring.
The article was about Firm X
(name changed to protect the anonymity of the author
and the firm). It stated how the firm had been growing
for the past so many years and was in desperate need
of managers. It stated the average take home salaries
of some members of middle management and the current
market value of their stock options. (Typical
HBS case study without the logo and the disclaimer.
The rosy portrait of a business at home, painted by
John Sargent.) I read no further, I was hooked. Five
years with them and I would be set for life. No need
to rob the bank next door, sing at happy hour or short
Microsoft’s stock.
So I applied. In my cover letter
I pointed out our perfect fit. They paid good
money, I needed money and wasn’t too picky. They needed
bright, hardworking, diverse employees. I wasn’t
all that bright or hardworking, but I could definitely
contribute to their diversity. (How many of
your classmates can you classify as nocturnal insects…
my point exactly) They were looking for aggressive
risk takers. I may not be a risk taker but I was definitely
a risky bet. They were interested in a fresh,
unbiased view of the world. I was as fresh and unbiased
as an undergrad in the deli lost in her fat free yogurt.
The interview letter came as
a surprise. I didn’t expect it but it definitely
reflected on my creative writing skills (and the wonders
they had performed on my CV.) The firm would be recruiting
on campus. I had been placed on their closed list.
They also pointed out that they only had two vacancies
and I was one of the two candidates. The interview
was just a formality, they had been extremely impressed
by the things I had done (on my resume… there is still
time, go take that creative writing class….)
I tore up the rest of my masterpieces;
used my 1500 points to short the slots that my room-mates
wanted but couldn’t afford; and used the proceeds
to close my open position in Microsoft. Oh… you didn’t
know about this. Of course you can short a slot. It
is a market economy after all. It’s a tricky
strategy and you really have to play it carefully,
but once you understand some of the finer points you
can have that Goldman interview for free.
Anyhow the big day arrived.
Borrowed Pierre Cardin suit, aggressive tie, spit
shined shoes, expensive haircut, and my total remaining
liquid assets in the form of a starched white shirt.
I was all set to boldly go where no business school
student had ever gone before. My cluster-mates
were being shot down left, right and center in small
rooms and cubicles but I had no problems. I
was Master of the Universe.
The internship of dreams, the
(almost) certain firm offer, the million dollar sign-on
bonus. My name on the new building. Dinner with
Warren Buffet. The lecture circuit. It was mine,
all mine.
There was nobody ahead of me
or before me. They must have written off the other
guy. I mean who can possibly come close to my
royal eminence… The firm had come to campus solely
to recruit me… Wow, talk about commitment, talk about
style… I walked confidently into the room…
Time for a short commercial
break. We understand how annoyed you must be, but
Readers Dig is a great whole some magazine for all
Business School Students. Read all about
the ‘Horror’s in Room 2xx’ in our March Drama in Real
Life section.
I guess I was a little early
since nobody from the firm had actually arrived. I
checked the time and the date on the interview letter
to ensure that I was at the right point in space and
time. I was and I watched the watch tick away
the seconds… the minutes … the quarters … the hour.
Something was definitely wrong.
Expect Career Services to get it wrong, I thought
as I marched angrily into their offices. After all
with the new building practically named after me they
should have been a bit more careful with my schedule.
‘Where and when are the interviews
for Firm X scheduled’. I asked in my sweetest voice
all set to explode on hearing the explanation about
the mix up…
But the world exploded. My 1500
hundred shorted points went by me in a flash. My name
on the new building turned into graffiti. Warren
Buffet and the lecture circuit shimmered and were
transported beyond my reach…’This is Independence,
Houston… Atlantis is down…’
‘Oh you didn’t hear. It was
brutal, it’s all over the news. They filed for chapter
11 last night. I guess they have other things
on their mind right now… Do you have any other
interviews today?’